This contest requires users to be registered in order to vote. 101. What do you do when your woman’s watch breaks?
“I feel like a kid again.”. A guy called into work and says, “Hey, boss! Watch the authentic German videos on FluentU. Q: Why did the Germans start two world wars? 7. Ethiopian. Punny effect: Ber- from Berlin vs. Bär (bear). Since almost all Italians are named Mario, a German would yell, "Hey, Mario!" But you may already be reeling back from the mere mention of “puns,” especially in the context of foreign language learning. How do you kill 100 Mexicans?
33. What’s the difference between St. Patrick’s Day and Martin Luther King Day? Q: What did the German kid say when he pushed his brother off a cliff? 5. Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes. If puns are good at showing anything, it’s that context matters to understand the intention behind what you hear or read. That makes me better than you.".
That being said, it’s no wonder that in 2009 the country ranked second place for beer consumption per capita in Europe, eclipsed only by the Czech Republic (and they invented Pilsner). Click here to get a copy. We'll email you once a week with great tips for learning languages faster and more effectively. Love ’em or hate ’em, puns are here to stay in our daily conversations. 8. Each FluentU video features native German speakers, so you’ll hear a range of German vocabulary usage, including real jokes and puns. Check out FluentU’s free trial and give it a spin. So immediately after this announcement, they ordered their scientist to take samples at a depth of 200 meters but found absolutely nothing. Give it a listen and don’t resist the urge to rock out! A chunk.
You can start enjoying the same content that native speakers actually watch, right now. The German goes first and asks for a pillow on his back, he gets the pillow and the whips but it doesn't work. This love of rules manifests itself in many ways.
It is very interesting to see which preconceptions other people have about your country and whether these are true or not.
Learning German becomes fun and easy when you learn with movie trailers, music videos, news and inspiring talks. What did Kermit the frog say at Jim Henson’s funeral?
Short Germany Jokes Q: What do you call a pissed off German?
Ground (impatiently): "Speedbird 206, have you never flown to Frankfurt before?" With that in mind, why not try out a few puns of our own? A Pinoy (Filipino) dies and goes to hell. 92. Ground: "Good Morning, taxi to your gate." In Kentucky, what do divorces and tornados have in common? Whoever said that Germans don’t have a sense of humor are clearly misinformed; they have a fair share of jokes that could have you rolling. A: The food is great, but an hour later, you’re hungry for power. 47. In the border, the guard asks him some questions. one. Translation: When it rains skins, leather becomes cheap.
...are debating philosophy.
75. Q: What’s the difference between a German and a shopping trolley?
10. A: Because they stole the jews’ train tickets. 82. A dead poodle with an 18 inch wide asshole.
19.
How do you kill a redneck? Translation: Two hunters meet. Warden.
However, sausage, or Wurst as it is called here, seems to have a special place in the heart of German meat eaters. But not all stereotypes are bad – they may even be true, defining characteristics of culture and lifestyle. Any fans of the German rock band Rammstein would know their iconic hit Du Hast, by heart.
Q: Why did the gypsies also end up at the camps? A: They know how to use their heads. We hate SPAM and promise to keep your email address safe.
They all go up to the bar and order: Red Wine for the Frenchman, a pint of beer for the German, and glass of whiskey for the Irishman.
7. He said “This time I am going to kill 6 million Jews and two clowns!” “Two Clowns? 52. 9 Funny Dog Jokes That Will Have You Rolling By Melody Schamble. Germans do love their dogs…. 40. He said: "I'd like to have two windshield wipers for my Trabi, please.". Never imagined someone could make a joke with one of the most ruthless leaders the world ever had, but indeed these jokes are funny. Q: Why are there so many tree lined streets and leafy lanes in France?
Never imagined someone could make a joke with one of the most ruthless leaders the world ever had, but indeed these jokes are funny. Q: What did the German clockmaker say to the clock that only went 'tick, tick,tick'? There’s nothing more satisfying than hearing and understanding a joke in your target language! 18. 29.
He then asked for sausages as he spoke spanish. If you don’t take yourself too seriously, stereotypes can be quite refreshing. When the train comes out of the tunnel, the German has a horrible black eye.
Grandson: Alzheimer's, Grandma, alzhemier's. Want to get a real glimpse of German culture, in all its varieties? Germans are efficient and not very funny. Because it’s impossible to sign your name that small with spray paint.
The german exclaims, "Ja, I clean my ass with your rockets." A: Jew-piter. 93.
©Copyright 2016 Jokers Media, LLC - Jokerz and the Jokerz logo are registered trademarks of Jokerz Media, LLC, Comment and share this joke on Facebook or Twitter. 'The French man gets the kiss and I get the blame!' 46. Q: Why did Hitler murder himself? The Frenchman says: We use the Renault for travel inside our country, and the Peugeot when we travel outside the border. Depends….
Before the First Period. Here we have a huge list of funny Hitler jokes including other jokes related to Jews and Germans. The German grabs the cat and showed the mustard down the cat's throat. What do you call a white guy surrounded by eleven black guys? Warning: Not for the easily offended. 15. First, let’s make something clear: German bread is awesome. Nobody cares about zee Jews.”, 61. That’s because many German natives have good knowledge of English. 55. The German Football Association consists of more than 26,000 clubs and 178,000 teams. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so they are all sentenced to death!
The British Airways 747 pulls onto the main taxiway and stops.
In front of the store there is a cage with a parrot, that suddenly starts talking to the woman: "You're ugly", Both of the girls notice a Man peeing and scream “Gross!”. See them as markers of your learning and ways to better remember words. Belgium is like school. You may be concerned that you’d run into this double-meaning issue when speaking in German, but don’t worry too much about it. Q: What do you call an German in the World Cup final? Perhaps you thought German word order, pronunciation and crazy smashed-together German words were hard to understand.
The following is supposedly a true story. Phelps can finish a race.
God gave women yeast infections so that they would know what it was like living with an irritating cunt for once. The foreman told each crew to put in telephone poles for the day and left.
Q: Why wasn’t Jesus born in Germany? Is it us, or are jokes about dogs a lot funnier than others?
There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. Stereotypes exist about every country in the world. They do chicken right. "Let's establish a code, if a letter you get from me is written in ordinary blue ink; it's true, if it's written in red ink, it's false", In World War I there was trench warfare, and neither the Americans nor the Germans could get the upper hand. He goes first to the German hell and asks "What do they do here?" The German team led off the presentations, with their main selling point being their engineering prowess. Then, the Polish man jumps out of the airplane and he passes the 1000 foot mark but does not pull the ripcord. You may have heard that Germans are often described as being a little standoffish and cold. Punny effect: Wolfgang (Wolf + Gang) vs. Wolfgang (classic name).
Both dead.
A: About 25000 if you’ve got a shovel.
It’s not meant as an affront or insult but merely serves to state the actual conviction of the speaker. One may initially hear “Geh nie tief ins Wasser” (“Never go deep into the water”) making “Ist es da tief?” (“Is it deep there?”) a sensible response. 68. What do you call a white guy surrounded by hundreds of black guys? In German, (das) Bad is “bathroom,” (der) Tisch means “table,” and um means “around.” So, Bad um Tisch suggests something like “bathroom around table.”. Don’t believe me? So this is essentially a double-whammy pun that actually kind of makes sense!
Aug 22, 2016 | 1 Minute Aug 22, 2016 | 1 Minute .
Q: Why do German futbol players do so well in math?
This word is for the particularly egregious and face-palming types of wordplay.
The Japanese presenter showed their latest tunnel boring machines with advanced radar, their acumen in statistical process control, then bowed and stated, "For 1.8 billion Euros, we will bore from both sides of the tunnel, and 9 months later, we will meet in the middle and be less than 1 centimeter off! ). A: "Look, mother, no Hans!" You’ll find everything from a look at Germany’s favorite foods to this take on German hipster culture. 57.
However, the Deutsche Bahn (German rail service) has a reputation that their timetable is merely an approximate reference for when trains will arrive or leave the station. This is a level of personalization that hasn’t been done before. As a consequence, close friendships with Germans don’t necessarily happen overnight, but when they do form they are generally very genuine.
A: Because he always finishes up in the bunker. What do you call four klansman pushing a pickup truck?
Now that we’re done playing our little game of true and false, let’s play another game: I double dog dare you… to make some German friends, learn more about their country, and confirm or adapt your ideas about German culture through firsthand experience. An unfortunate Mario would pop his head up with "si?"
94.
In other words: a pun. 60. A: Because deep down they are really nice. So, without any written context, one can hear Du hast (You have) or Du hasst (You hate). First, the French man jumps out of airplane.
City names are also commonly pun-nified, though some can be more fitting than others. The country’s national team is strong in international contests and has won four world cups.
So they ordered their own scientists to take their core samples at a depth of 100 meters. Each FluentU video features native German speakers, so you’ll hear a range of German vocabulary usage, including real jokes and puns. The variety, the taste, the quality, the fact that it is not squares in a plastic bag meant to be placed in a toaster all make it baking heaven. Go back to work. What’s the difference between work and your daughter?” … “I’m not coming into work this morning!”. Who cares? Britain's military has a long tradition of banter and belly-laughing jokes and the internet has gone into a frenzy for our selection of our favourites of all time. Get off of me Dad, you’re crushing my cigarettes.
Hell yeah they do! So without further ado, here are a few Germans stereotypes that are indeed true.
In 1941, Hans, a young German boy, was listening to the radio. My friend Hans is very involved in the German Blackbird Racing league.
A kiss is heard, then a hollow slap. Quick, True or False: The national pastime in Germany is playing soccer while eating Sauerkraut dressed in Dirndls and Lederhosen with Kraftwerk and Rammstein playing in the background. The innocent souls would assume that dichter (thicker), the comparative form of dicht (thick), was being said in this pun, but (der) Dichter translates to “poet,” which Johann Wolfgang von Goethe certainly was. A: With a dustpan and brush. If you have international friends, you may quickly learn that people from different countries all have different stereotypes about your native land. Q: How do you get rid of aristocratic Germans?
That leads to this pun.